‘She spoke about sex like it was housework': One of the many comments made by men who paid thousands to marry mail-order brides….but later regretted it
A new thread on Reddit is offering some engrossing insights into the strange lives of men who have bought mail-order brides. The discussion which centers around brides from Russia and the Philippines, and has gathered over 10,000 comments, asked users to talk about their ‘surprising’ experiences when they began living with their spouses.
‘[She] spoke about sex the same way she spoke about housework,’ wrote one, while another confessed: ‘I could always tell she was uncomfortable. It seemed like she was just doing a job.’
One user gave a detailed account of the way brides from Russia or the Philippines, who are desperate to begin a new life in Europe and the US, are ordered. The fee to find a bride via this route, says this user, costs between $10,000 (£6,500) and $15,000 (£9,800), although others have said they paid as much as $50,000 (£32,700). ‘Since a large amount of these foreign brides do not speak English, a person must hire a translator for phone and other forms of correspondence,’ he explains.
‘When a man becomes serious about a few women, he will want to purchase the girl’s address to send letters and gifts. ‘Addresses usually will cost between $10 [£6.50] and $15 [£9.80}. A translator will also be needed for these letters which will normally add another $10 to $15 a letter.’
Many people who submitted stories about people they know noted that the men ordered their brides because they struggled socially. ‘My father brought my mum at an auction in Thailand a LONG time ago, it’s pretty weird and he was kinda a creepy guy so basically what you’d expect,’ one stated. ‘I mean there’s a reason these kinds of guys end up getting mail-ordered brides. Sometimes they are just super awkward, other times they are total d-bags,’ another wrote.
A handful of men, who had probably since split with their mail-order brides, commented that the sexual chemistry was lacking. ‘She would cook, clean, offer sex, whatever,’ one wrote. ‘Pretty much what you want from your wife. But the passion, emotion, warmth, everything that makes a marriage actually work was lacking.’ ‘You could liken it to a gold digger but it was much worse. At least with a gold digger it isn’t painfully obvious, and you might actually convince yourself she likes some aspect of you.’
Another man made a completely opposite remark. ‘The only thing I can think of is that she is very open about sexuality compared to most girls,’ wrote one man, a 35-year-old who said he had cerebral palsy, and spent $22,000 [£14,395] to secure his bride. One user wrote: ‘She seemed under the impression that a man was to be kept like a king and she was there for food and sex.’ But then added: ‘The biggest surprise was finding out that when his “wife” was sending money “back home to her family”, it was to her husband (not “ex”) and kids in the Philippines.’
Among all the stories about disgruntled grooms, some were sad accounts relating to brides. One user wrote of a friend’s mail-order wife: ‘[She] had a ridiculous amount of humidifiers in the home so that it could be more like where she came from. All she did was to sit in a chair staring at the wall looking very depressed.’ Another commented: ‘There’s way too many cases in which those girls looking for a better life end up in bad stories of domestic abuse and even murder when those guys start realizing that the girls are way out of their league and they start to meet new people and making friends.’
One interesting thing we have noted is that the mail-order business is booming — and there’s no chance that it will slow down in the coming years. For example, Russianbrides.com now boasts an online community of over one million hopefuls.