Some pertinent questions posed by twentysomethings that their older thirtysomething friends answered.
When Alex, Kristin, and Erin — three ladies in their early 30s found their twentysomething friends had some vital questions for them the thirtysomething folk, they decided to answer the call:
1. “Are you really in your sexual prime?”
Alex Alvarez: lol.
Erin La Rosa: In my twenties I dated heinous monsters owing to my poor sense. I feel thirties has been far, far better, sexy wise.
Kristin Chirico: I’m in actual fact in my Optimus Prime.
2. “Will I ever stop calling my mom every day for advice?”
Kristin: Yep, but then she will simply begin calling YOU to ask for advice.
Erin: Calling mom is my daily morning ritual, and on the way home I call my best friend. I’m still just as needy.
Alex: Never. You will always need your mom, and you will also slowly turn into her.
3. “Do you really know what you’re doing or do you make it up as you go…?”
Alex: The latter, surely.
Kristin: I still don’t know what I’m doing, but I think I’ve learned how to keep that fact a secret.
Erin: I feel I kinda know certain things. For example, I know how to save money now, but I still don’t know to wait for my Starbucks to cool down before sipping it.
4. “Do you still borrow money from your parents?”
Kristin:OMG NO BUT DON’T JINX ME. Great, now I’m freaked out. THANKS, YOUTHS.
Erin:No, but if my parents offer, I don’t say no! My mother, Sheila La Rosa, always says: “If someone gives you money, take it and say ‘Thank you.’” THANK YOU.
5. “What’s the deal with emotionally unavailable men?”
Alex: Dating in the broad sense is tough in your twenties because at that time you’re trying to figure out what you need and want…and definitely DON’T need or want. If someone is unavailable in any sense, move on. They might change on their own, but why stick around and wait?
Erin: STAY MILES AWAY FROM THEM. Plus one to what Alex said, if a man isn’t available, he doesn’t intend to make the effort. Date a man who’s interested and going to make the effort.
Kristin: Dating 20somethings is like trying to eat an unripe avocado: To peel the rind off of it, takes way too much time, and even when you do, you find it tastes like garbage and is too hard to mash into guacamole.
6. “Does life go on? Also can I drink two bottles of wine and be OK?”
Alex: It moves unsteadily, kinda reels in a halting, sputtering fashion. Wine helps grease the wheels.
Erin:Two bottles? IDK about that. I mean, shit…
Kristin: Just one bottle can make you ill. And life goes on whether you want it to or not, unfortch.
7. “Do you know who Ariana Grande is?”
Erin:How dare you?!
Kristin:No. When you turn 30, they as a matter of fact confiscate the dial off your car radio to make it so it’s forever stuck on NPR.
Alex:I drank one this morning.
8. “Can I expect my chest hair to grow to its full potential?”
Alex: Yeah, mine is full and lush.
Kristin: Yeah. Chest hair is the Tracy Flick of hairs, which is a reference that you don’t understand.
Erin: Still waiting
9. “Does hanging out with people get less exhausting?”
Alex:Kind of, to tell the truth. You become more choosy about the people you hang out with. In thirties friendships are more quality, rather than quantity. And drinks.
Erin:Now that I’m in my thirties, I don’t go to clubs — yes, we thirtysomethings at one point may have been closeted club rats — so, in that regard, it’s less exhausting.
Kristin:Yes, it gets less fatiguing, reason being you stop making yourself hang out with people who do shit like use your purse as a barf bag.
10.“Do the hangovers get any better?”
Erin: I no longer get hangovers! Or, probably I no longer drink two bottles of wine!
Alex:No hangovers now! But I’ve heard other people my age groaning about them from under their desks, so.
Kristin:They turn even worse. You’re not drunk still you can get a hangover. Your hangovers also begin to specialize; for example, my red wine hangovers are truly starting to become things of terrifying beauty.
11. “Will people still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?”
Kristin: If you’ve a chubby face — your face fat will keep you looking pretty much the same until you’re 40. But then you’re more or less boned.
Erin:Nope, but that’s OK — pizza is love now.
12. “Has your relationship with your parents changed at all? Also: When you do you stop giving a shit?”
Erin:Yes! I used to get upset with my parents over petty shit, but I’ve begun to let that go. They’re far, far older than 30 (if you can believe it), and they’re not going to change, so I’ve learned to accept who they are more. Also, I give zero shits about everything except food. I care deeply about food.
Kristin:I’m a great deal more forgiving toward my parents about things that happened in the past — for example, I don’t rake them over the coals for stuff from 20 years ago, because 20 years ago they were close® to my age, and I would have done the same crap. But on the flip side, I don’t tolerate garbage behavior the way that I used to when I was younger and more scared and broke. Nipping things in the bud quickly goes a long way toward good relationships.
Alex: I have realized how terrifying it must be to be a parent, and how they always tried to do the very best they could. I love them more, and also differently. Plus I’ve stopped giving a shit about most things, and I’ve begun giving more of a shit about a few things. It’s awesome.
13. “At what point am I supposed to get off my parents’ cell phone plan…?”
Kristin:If your relationship is good, and their plan gives you a better deal, then stick with it for as long as you can. That’s just good business.
Erin:I’m hoping mine just never notice, tbh.
Alex:I think when we’re all, like, 105? Give or take a few years.
14. “Do you actually feel any older than you did in your late twenties?”
Erin:Not physically, I credit that to the miracle of ~low lighting~.
Alex:I’ve always felt ancient.
Kristin:Nope, but I think I’m less dumb, like I’ve shed the mid-twenties stupid that hung around me for years. Not everyone is afflicted with that, but I was.
15. “Are you still paying off student loans?”
Alex:Nope, thank the goddess.
Erin:Nope. I spend most of my money on food and booze now.
Kristin: HA HA HA HA WOW YES but I went to grad school. Don’t go to grad school. I feel like this is a topic that I’ll feel less depressed about at 40.
16. “Janet or Madonna?”
Erin: JANET. HOW DARE YOU?!
17. “Do the gray hairs come gradually or all at once…?”
Alex:They arrive bit by bit. And everywhere.
Erin:I once told a friend that I’d never seen a gray hair on my head, and then she told me that she had, LOL. So for me it was all at once!
Kristin:The gray hairs come little by little. The anxiety about them comes all at once.